Bro on Germany Winning 29 Olympic Medals

"Whatever! They're doping. Besides, I'm not impressed by Germans who know how to ski and shoot a gun at the same time. That doesn't impress me. At all."

Bro on Quality TV

"Why are they not showing Footballer's Wives Season 1 on demand? That's so unfair."

Mags on Sitting Down

"I was sitting in the coffee shop for a couple of hours, but then my ass started to hurt, so I had to leave."

Bro on Pretension

"I hate supid-ass people."

Mags on Being a Therapist

"I'm being a friend by being your fucking therapist: if you go out with Hot NYPD Guy again after that, don't complain that you only date the same type of men."

[Later in the same conversation.]

ME: I need a therapist

MAGS: [sighs] Yeah ... Yeah, you do. Bro and I can only do so much.

Mags on Taking the Fungwah

"I think I really do have the Bird Flu because this cough isn't going away. I don't want ... [switches to really sad voice] ... Bird Flu."

Mags on 2 Male Celebrities

"[Adam Levine] is basically whoring himself out ... And, speaking of whores ... Can I just tell you that I saw the cover of the new US Weekly and Colin Farrell was on it? And, he looked good! He cleaned himself up and everything ..."

Mags on Le Canadien

"I just always thought that he was an arrogant prick [...] It just became very clear to me that he was only going to be nice to someone if he deemed them necessary to be in his, you know, circle."

Bro on Marriage

"I told y'all bitches that I need to be a Second Wife! Second marriages are always better."

Mags on Employment

"I’m very very very sad to report that I have to go to work right now."

Bro on Men Who Don't Like Fat Women

"Why do you only date the shallowest men in the world?! I swear it’s like you look for the shallowest man ever and you date him. You and your damn fatphobic men!"

Bro on Talking to Strangers

"If you talk to one more person, I swear to God I will leave you in the streets! Damn hell ass friendly people."