Mags & Bro

I'm the Funky Brown Chick, and I talk to my friends Mags & Bro almost every day. They're something special.

6.29.2006

Mags on Retardation

--- Mags wrote: ---

> I am in need of some advice. Short version of the story,

[snip ... basically, she met a boy]

> But yesterday he texted me inviting me to [his city] in 2 weeks
> and/or asking if he can visit me in [my city]. I absolutely
> can not afford to go to [his city]. And I'm unsure if I want
> to invite him to come to [my city] or not. Basically, he's
> really nice [...] but I have picked up some red flags.

[snip ... basically, he's a freak.]

> I realize that I'm not doing a very good job of explaining
> this over e-mail. But what's your initial reaction? Am I
> overanalyzing? Part of me really wants to be spontaneous,
> and invite him to come, and the other part of me feels like
> I should listen to my [gut about the red flags].
>
> Mags
>
>



--- Stolie wrote: ---
>
> My thoughts? Um, clearly the guy wants to fuck you. (And, if
> you invite him to [your city], he's going to assume that you
> want to fuck him too.)
>
> By the way, as you read my words, remember that I'm (slightly)
> bitter at men, the world, God, and life right now ... but I
> still stand by my words: He. Wants. To. Fuck. You.
>
> Stolie


--- Mags wrote: ---

> I. KNOW. HE WANTS. TO FUCK. ME. I AM NOT RETARDED :).
>
> Mags
>

Bro on Her Organizational Skills

"I just have to say this ... I'm a little bit in love with myself rignt now. I impress myself. I've just never known myself to be this way."

Bro on Figo

"You think Figo is hot?!?!? That's only because he's an asshole. He's a little bitch, you saw him last week. Just when I think you've learned and you've grown and you've changed ... YOU HAVEN'T. You let me down. You did. You truly did."

Bro on Hitler

"He's the O.D., the Original Deviant."

6.27.2006

Bro on Why NYC is Different Than the Rest of the US

"This is not Bush country."

6.24.2006

Bro on Humanity

"People are pants."

6.22.2006

Bro on My Weaknesses

"#1. You don't show your feelings, you keep stuff bottled inside. #2. You don't ask for help when you need it. #3. You're fucking neurotic."

6.21.2006

Bro on "Fru-fru" Girlie Stores

"My right tit wouldn't fit in anything from Forever 21."

6.20.2006

Bro On A Distant Friend's Wedding

"You shouldn't spend $1 million for wedding invitations for people who are going to get divorced in 2 years."

6.18.2006

Bro on Paul Walker's Age (32)

"Old-ass man."

Bro on My Husband

"I fucking hate Paul Walker. I hate him. And, I hate him even more because you're so obsessed with him."

Bro on Our Generation

ME: I think our generation got screwed. We're all single longer and we're all in debt.
BRO: Generation X got fucked up the ass hard. It's not fun. It's an unpleasant feeling.

Bro on the British Boy

“Eroticism? Sexy. Neuroticism? Not sexy. Notice the “n” as in not sexy? Eroticism vs. Neuroticism. Get it?”

Bro on Crime

"Wow. You saw a robbery in action? That's great. Now you're a real New Yorker. You're not a New Yorker until you've seen a store get held up."

6.17.2006

Bro My "Boy Thinking" Ability

Me: I'm thinking ...
Bro: Uh-huh
Me: What?
Bro: Well, when you start thinking, you get into trouble. Seriously. When you think about boys, weirdness ensues."

6.15.2006

Bro on My Wardrobe

"I hate those shorts. Don't wear them."

Bro on Victoria Beckham

ME: "Beckham's wife needs to eat some fucking food."
BRO: "It's gross. Like, she is gross. I don't get it. And, she doesn't do anything. At least he does something. What does she do?"

Bro on Cocaine

"Everyone who's anyone is doing coke."

Bro on Matters of Life and Death

"I love closure. I need closure. When I don't have closure, a little part of my soul dies."

6.14.2006

Bro on Humanity.

"I hate people. I've always hated them."

Bro on Jake Gyllenhaal

Bro: I think I'm starting to get the Gyllenhaal thing.
Me: You're late. I always "got" the Gyllenhaal thing.
Bro: Yeah, but he changed, he used to look like a boy. Now he looks like a man.

6.12.2006

Bro on Acceptance

ME: OMG, I just yelled out something about gay rough train, and the two gay men in front totally just looked at me.
BRO: What do you expect? It's New York. [Everyone's gay here.]

6.07.2006

Bro on Financial Planning

Bro: Did you know you can, like, rent a bike for $5 an hour?
Me: Did you know that you can, like, buy one for $76 and it would be yours forever?
Bro: Punk.

6.04.2006

Mags on American Intelligence

"I swear this guy asked, 'Why did they build Windsor Castle so close to Heathrow?'"

Bro on Inspiration

ME: Are you tired?
BRO: No, why? Are you tired?
ME: No, I'm just asking because you seem low energy.
BRO: I'm always low energy. That's me.

6.01.2006

Bro on Dooce's Kid

"It's not like she's my kid. I'm not raising her. I just don't care."

Bro on Jude Law

"I don't know what he's doing. He used to look like a guy, but now he looks like a girl."