Mags on the Farting Post

> ----- Original Message ----
> From: mags@xxx.com
> To: funkybrownchick@xxx.com
> Cc: bro@xxx.com
> Sent: Thursday, September 28, 2006 9:26:20 AM
> Subject: Farting
>
> I just had to let you know, I finally read the Funky
> Brown Chick's post about farting this morning. I was
> cracking up. Personally, I think there has to be some
> kind of happy middle ground between running to the
> bathroom all the time, and just letting 'em rip whenever
> you feel like it. On the one hand farting in front of
> someone you're dating (or married to) is not going to
> exactly *up* your sex appeal, and but then if you're
> serious with someone (or married), you should feel
> comfortable to fart with them.
>
> My parents fart in front of each ALL the time, and I'm
> not gonna lie it grosses me out sometimes. Although
> farting in general grosses me out, it's right up there
> with feet. My family has actually accused me of not
> farting enough. They wonder if something is wrong with
> me. My sister and her best friend (when we were kids)
> used to have farting contests. That was disgusting.
>
> Bro, do your parents fart in front of each other? Just
> curious. Anyway, I'm done procastinating work. Talk to
> you soon.
>
> Mags
>

* NOTE: Mags is really grossed out by the sight of bare feet.

Mags on Stealing Wireless Service

MAGS: My internet isn't working.
ME: Excuse me ... MY internet?! Um, well, you can't really call it YOUR internet because you're tapping into your neighbor's wireless. You're not paying so, you know, it's not like YOUR internet.
MAGS: Fine. Fine. THE internet is not working.

Mags on Parental Guidance

"My dad just told me to stop being such a slacker ... He told me to get off of my ass and do something with my life."

Bro on Being Nice

"Fuck kind and fuzzy. Most people aren't that way."

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"Land of the free ... Home of the Silly. We would be better if we were France. Oui, Oui!!!"

Mags on an a Woman Who Posted Her Street Address Online

That's dumb.

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"I think he's an alien"

Mags and Bro on People on the Silver Screen

BRO: "I wanna go one year without seeing Jude Law on a screen. I'm sick of him. He's everywhere... Like God ... Maybe he is God."

MAGS: "And, I'm tired of seeing movies with really short, fat, ugly guys with relatively cute girls."

Bro on "Larger" People on the Subway

"There's nothing worse than squeezing your ass in a space that won't fit it. Don't do that. When people do that on the subway, they squish all of the other people. Even I know that my ass won't fit everywhere."

Bro on Ren Fair People

"I don't understand people who want to romanticize a period in time when there was no indoor plumbing."

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"Stop reading that. Maybe you like being sad. I don’t like being sad. And, stop sending me depressing emails about that."

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"That’s as brilliant as my thoughts get."

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"I has let himself go. Just because he had a baby doesn't mean that he can't take care of himself anymore."

Bro on Talking About My Love Life over the Phone

[ring, ring]

Bro: You know it's the Footballers Wive$ season finale, right? This better be good.
Me: Whatever. I'll call you tomorrow.
Bro: No, it's okay. It's on commercial break. What is it?
Me: [insert neurotic rant.]
Bro: Just so you know, at the end of the next commercial break ... I’m hanging up on you.
Me: Whatever!!! Why not just end the call now? Or are you just waiting for the commercial break so that you can have the pleasure of hanging up on me?
Bro: Yeah, I'd rather hang up on you.

Bro on Mile High & Footballers Wive$ Extra Time

"God bless BBC America! I love them. I’m so impressed with them. They’ve done a really good job with their programming lately."

Bro to the Cabbie

"I wouldn’t fuck with me if I were you. I could pull a car-jacking and beat you and your cab."

Bro on Making Time for Friends

[ring, ring]

Me: Hello
Bro: Hey, what did you want? You called earlier and said you had a question?
Me: Yeah, I had a ques ...
Bro: What is it?
Me: I was going to ask you about ...
Bro: Get to it.
Me: DAMMIT! I don’t like being rushed on the phone. I’m not putting up with this. I don’t like ...
Bro: First, I’m not rushing, I’m filling out my jury summons form. Second, we all have to deal with things that we don’t like.

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"Have you read Pink Is The New Blog lately???? What is your man doing???"

Bro on Peter Brady

"He's marrying that model chick. It's kind of weird."

Bro on Choosing Her Dinner for the Evening

Me: What could better than a big juicy steak?
Bro: Burritoville? Burritoville is cheaper.